Is Technology Really Impacting Our Children?

The essence of friendships and family life are being changed by the use of technology.  Can we consider those 1,500 friends your child has on Facebook to be "real' friends? Can your child genuinely tend to, nurture and support these so called friendships?  Nothing can replace the bonds your children have with their friends which are developed by just hanging out with each other and sharing their stories. During family time, instead of focusing on one another or being involved in lively discussions, everyone is looking at their iPhones, blackberries or laptops.  Children and parents are missing out on the important moments of life because they are anxiously awaiting a response from their last text or waiting for something to upload to their screen.  Dr. Jeffrey S. McQuillen, assistant professor of speech communication at Texas A & M University believes that the more children are left to themselves and the internet, the less likely we are to see family interdependence (Sorensen).

It is important that children learn and practice certain social skills that will help them in their adult relationships (Stout, 2).  The lack of face to face conversations due to constant reliance on technology may be denying today's children the  experiences that help them develop empathy, handle conflict and read social cues like facial expression and body language (Stout, 2). Recently, I worked with a young woman who was anxious to confront her roommate about potential issues that could affect their living situation.  She spent a great deal of time figuring out what to say and how to handle what may come up.  The next time I saw her, she reported that she simply texted her friend about it and "it was no big deal." Besides not being able to experience the satisfaction of working out a conflict face to face, it was a missed opportunity to practice basic communication skills that she will surely need later on in life.

Merriam-Webster's dictionary defines cyberbullying as the electronic posting of mean-spirited messages about a person, often done anonymously. This is probably the most harmful effect of children not being guided properly in their use of technology. Combine children's limited judgment with unlimited access to the internet and you have a recipe for trouble. Children may think these freedoms give them power to hurt others but they don't realize the lasting damage it may cause. John Halligan, father of a 13 year old boy who committed suicide due to cyber bullying says, "Once you send something to someone, you can't take it back and it is potentially there for everyone to see" (Halligan). Cyberbullying happens when adults are not around so parents and teachers don't see it (www.in.safely.yahoo.com).  They only see the resulting damage which may include: decreased self confidence, social isolation, increased depression and/or anxiety and in some extreme cases, suicidal thoughts and/or plans that are carried out.

Now what? What can parents do to teach their children to be responsible, accountable and safe in this new cyber world? How can we keep the use of  technology from hurting and bullying others?  

Parenting Suggestions Regarding Technology: (Halligan)

• Establish your own family policy for acceptable computer use and include clear rules about time limits.
• Do not allow a computer to be in a child's bedroom. Keep it in a public area such as the kitchen or den.
• Ask your child if they have ever been ridiculed or intimidated on the Internet and encourage them to come to you for support if this happens.
• Ask your child if they have bullied anyone online. It's important to help  them understand how deeply their words can hurt someone.  

Ask and answer these questions to help you decide what's right. (Halligan)

• Does a middle school child or younger possess the maturity, judgment, and social skills to use instant/text messaging and social websites responsibly?
• When does too much technology begin to hurt a child? You need to find the right balance with other activities.
• Is it healthy for them to come home and plug right back into their social network versus having some quiet, reflective and regenerative time with their family?

Other safety tips to discuss with your child are: (Jakubiak, 22). 

1. Do not forward emails without first asking the person who wrote it.
2. Do not post pictures online before checking with an adult.
3. Only open messages from people they know and never reply to messages from a cyberbully.
4. Print mean messages to show an adult. Keep a record of these messages and then block the sender and delete the messages.

With proper monitoring and clear expectations of responsibilities, the use of technology has its benefits and should be used as a tool for communication, not as the only way of truly relating to others.  Parents can easily stay in touch with their children via cell phones and texting to make sure they are safe. Children can utilize the numerous social networks to make plans and be in contact with friends that they might not see often.  Computers can assist children in pursuing individual interests and obtaining information quickly and easily.

In our society today, the ability to connect with the world at the touch of a button can be exciting yet scary, especially for parents and their children.  Parents need to be the gatekeepers of this new world by setting clear guidelines and limits, by enforcing these rules with regularity and consistency and by having open and recurring dialogue about them. Don't we owe it to our children to do so? 

References

Halligan, John, and Kelly Halligan. Ryan's Story. N.p., 2010. Web. 28 Apr. 2011. <www.ryanpatrickhalligan.org>. Parts of "Parenting Suggestions" reprinted with permission from John Halligan.  

Jakubiak, David J. A Smart Kid's Guide to Online Bullying. New York: The Rosen Publishing Group, Inc., 2010. 20 - 22. Print.

Sorensen, Barbara. "How Does Technology Affect Family Communication."  Lance Armstrong Foundation, 13 Sept. 2010. Web. 1 May 2011. <www.livestrong.com>. 

Stout, Hilary. "Antisocial Networking." N.p., 2 May 2010. Web. 30 Apr. 2011. <www.nytimes.com>.

"Tips for Parents to Prevent Cyberbullying." Yahoo! Safely. N.p., 2011. Web. 2 May 2011. <www.in.safely.yahoo.com>.