Activity Overload: When Fun Becomes Frenzy

Stop right there!

If you are a parent, I know you are in the midst of a busy day because let’s face it, most parents’ days are hectic. But I would like you to stop for a moment and ask some important questions about your family’s time. How many times do you tell your children to hurry up because they have to get to the next activity? On weekends, is it hard to get your whole family together because of everyone’s schedules (Doherty and Carlson, 22)? Count how many after school activities your child/children participate in. Do they have someplace to be every day of the week? Are there any days where they can just hang out and be a kid? Do you sometimes wish you could slow it down? Studies show that over-scheduling our children is having a negative impact on them and we need to pay attention. If we don’t change our ways, we risk having overtired and burnt out kids who will ultimately lose the desire to participate or enjoy any activities at all. In order to understand this over scheduling phenomenon, we also need to look at why some parents push their children to do so much in the first place.

Too many activities can certainly affect children’s physical and emotional state. I have a friend who has an 11 year old son.  Two days a week, he comes home after school and immediately does his homework. He then attends religious school classes for two hours and is finally off to play in his Little League baseball game. By the time he falls into bed, it is close to 11:00 PM. Is it any wonder that throughout the next day he is tired and sluggish? The fact is sleep matters to academic performance, to emotional stability and can even affect obesity (Brosnan and Merryman, 30). Tired children can’t remember what they just learned and tired children don’t have good impulse control (Brosnan and Merryman, 34).  Besides sleep issues, children can develop anxiety from the pressure of having to do well in all of their structured activities.  They may even become resentful and angry especially if they are not enjoying what they are doing.

Dr. Alvin Rosenfeld and Barbara Carlson, authors of The Overscheduled Child feel that children whose every moment is scheduled and structured may have difficulty learning how to be alone and how to be at peace with themselves.  This is one of the most important things we can teach children since they will be spending the rest of their lives with themselves!  Children need to have time to let their imagination take them places where structured activities cannot.  Free play allows them to stretch their minds, to be creative and to process what’s going on with themselves and the world around them. Letting a child experience feelings of boredom can reap some benefits too. Out of this boredom they can find and explore what really satisfies them.

Why do parents get caught up on this “busy” train?  In the quest to give our children all of the best opportunities, somehow our priorities have gotten skewed.  Do we think that by not signing them up for that one activity, we are depriving them of something?  Some parents may feel this to be true.  However, the notion of slowing down may be physically and emotionally best for our children. In today’s world, there also seems to be a strong sense of competition (Rosenfeld and Carlson, 179).  This seems to fuel some of the decision to keep our children so busy.  The message in the parent world is, if you don’t enroll your children in gymnastics or Pee Wee soccer at age 4 they will be behind.  But I ask, behind what?  If we are focusing on our children’s interests and trying to nurture their passions, why should it matter when they start these organized activities?  Competition and team participation is certainly a good thing for children but some may not be developmentally or even emotionally ready to handle some of the pressures and demands on their time. 

Okay, so now you have decided that over-scheduling your children may be affecting them in a negative way.  What can you do?

Assess your children’s moods.  All children can be moody or tired at times but in general do they seem happy, anxious or overwhelmed? Does your child go from one activity to another with little or no enthusiasm (Lyttle and Baugh)? If they do then it may be time to cut back their schedule. 

Regularly check in with your children.  Talk to them about their activities.  Are they enjoying them?  Do they feel like they have too many to handle?  I have this conversation with my 11 year old son about once a month just to see how he is managing.  I also use this time to talk about what our family’s priorities are such as putting school work before sports and the importance of family time.

Schedule down time.  Try not to plan more than one or two commitments on each day of the weekend if you can help it.  Schedule time to just be home. Sometimes this means that you have to turn down invitations from others and/or adjust your weekly commitments.

Develop family rituals.  These can be so important to children including teenagers who you may think want to be with their friends all of the time.  Children look forward to participating in these rituals in the midst of a stressful week. Rituals nurture a sense of belonging and have emotional significance.  They build positive family bonds as well as lasting childhood memories. Some of my own rituals include family dinners, evening walks around the neighborhood and Sunday morning pancake breakfasts.

The bottom line is we want our children to have the best that life has to offer. We want them to grow up to be happy, successful and well adjusted.  The recipe to get there is not easy and often complicated.  Would you rather have your children sit in carpools every afternoon or would you rather have them do a little less and enjoy everything a little more?  I recommend stepping back, looking at the big picture and evaluating what is really important!

References

Brosnan, Po, and Ashley Merryman. Nurture Shock. New York: Hachette Book Group, 2009. 30 -35. Print.

Doherty, William J., and Barbara Z. Carlson. Putting Family First. New York: Henry Holt and Company, 2002. Print.

Little, Jodiamae, and Eboni J. Baugh. "I'll Pencil You In - The Overscheduled Child." Solutions for Your Life. University of Florida Extension, 6 Aug. 2008. Web. 13 July 2011.

Rosenfeld, Alvin, and Nicole Wise. The Over-Scheduled Child: Avoiding the Hyper-Parenting Trap. New York: St. Martin's Griffin, 2000. 132-33, 179 -180, Print.